of the Scottish: sour, stingy, depressing beggars who parade around in schoolgitls' skirts with nothing on underneath. Their fumbled attempt at speaking the English language has been a source of amusement for five centuries, and their idiot music has been dreaded by those not blessed with deafness for at least as long."
"To live in Australia permanently is rather like going to a party and dancing all night with your mother."
"The problem with Yanks is they are wimps."
"Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep."
"[England is] a soggy little island huffing and puffing to keep up with Western Europe."
"Canada is an entire country named Doug."